somewhere over the rainbow;

Friday, July 28, 2006

tis gona be long

well,its midnight but i still cant sleep. had a silent argument wit dear in e late afternoon. since its not fully settled,i find it hard to sleep.well,its those weird awkward disagreement but we just din wana say anything to make it even worst. arghh! i hate myself. wish i could be perfect. for once! but unfortunately..tats impossible. i love him. thats a confirmation for sure. but i guess at times,disagreements are bound to happen no matter how perfect a relationship is. we were laughing so happily and teasing one another as usual,but somehow,tings change so fast and we suddenly were on e downside. oops! my bad. i admit...my fault. he's perfect!

i wish i could be e girl i owes dreamed of
the one who is actually is a normal girl
the one that faithfully does her duty as a muslim
the one who will be a role model to her future children
the one who prioritise family first than friends
the one who is soft spoken and speaks her mind only when needed
the one who respect her elders
the one who knows to maintain the house
the one who is simply perfect!

i guess,i can never achieve those dreams. but it is good to be close enough. but for now,im far off. i have no goals in life. those that ive owez dream of has already been crushed eversince i joined MI. im not saying its a wrong route..but i really feel A level is never meant for me. i dun wanna be a big career women with cash like richard branson. but it would be nice just to have his money though. i enjoy doing things like dancing,performing,hairstyling,designing my own clothes..but just havent had e support i owez dreamed of.i feel a total failure. i hate how my mum pushes me to do e things ive never enjoyed doing. i always feel that im doing her dream. i noe she wants e best for me,but im not happy doing it. haiz...

tomorrow,is meet parent session.i din hit e criteria so i hafta meet e HOD,my management teacher and my normal home tutors. i hate it. again,ive flunked terribly in my mid year. i got only 3Aos. pathetic aint it? e worst part,ive not been behaving well in class. i recently realise im quite loud in class. i tot all along i was more of e laid-back kid who cant be bothered..but hell no..i was totally wrong. i cant be bothered,.but i talk crap non-stop especially during Gp. i enjoy teasing mr andrew with words like "janji keling" and "Yeneke unei pudi kelei..". hee. okok..sidetrack there. anyways,ive not been handing up my work punctually and been skipping schools especially on Thurs since its e longest day with 2 periods of PE.oh tuhan..pls make e teacher be nice when talking wit my mum. cuz i just dun wana show attitude again like before. i cant stand nag. i dun care my mum is there..i tend to be a bitch whenever i hear nags...help!!

only illusions;

12:15:00 AM